Chronicles of an Insane Intern (Episode 4)

Just in case you missed the previous episodes, read them here.


I think I am going insane, where am I hiking to?

Am I planning to walk all the way to Ikeja from here?

This is one of the days I really wished my brain was functioning at full capacity and I possessed super-human powers. I would kill to have the powers of Flash or QuickSilver right now. Abeg, if anyone knows any “Baba” you can introduce me to, I would gladly oblidge, because right now, my corporate life hangs in the balance and the end of my current illuminati career stares me in the face.

Sorry, did I say, Illuminati?? No. Please, I meant luminary career. What would the illuminati want to even do with a crazy nut job like me? They have better things to do and more reasonable people to work with. If they use me, I can promise that their return on investment will be less than zero and nobody is in business to lose.

“Shola, you are mad! You are here thinking about Illuminati when you are supposed to be thinking about how to get to work so you don’t lose your job”. My inner self scolded.

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t come and kill myself nah?” I replied.

“Focus, Shola, Focus!” He said.

My mind and my eyes slowly came back to the road ahead. The traffic was long and wasn’t even moving at all. I looked at my watch… 9:05am! Both GidiTraffic and TrafficButter cannot help me here. Heavenly Lord, help your boy!

I continued walking, thinking about the next phase of my life, what would I do if I was fired? I couldn’t even begin to fathom the inexplicable torture. How would I survive?

At that point, a man driving in a pink and grey Toyota Corolla corporate cab, stuck in the traffic, waved at me and asked me where I was going, I didn’t even bother to answer him. This guy has no idea what kind of situation I am in, it will be nothing but imminent suicide to sit in a cab now.

Just then, heaven smiled on me and one Hausa man riding a new Bajaj Bike drove past me… If you see the way I chased him ehn? You would think I was chasing someone that stole my One Million Dollars.

I started screaming… “Aboki, wait! Wait!” He didn’t stop, the guy just continued his empty ride with pride. He obviously wasn’t hearing me because I think he had an earpiece on, listening to whatever Islamic hip-hop jamz I don’t know.

I couldn’t miss this opportunity of a lifetime, I couldn’t give up, I ran and ran after him. Luckily, the traffic got him in a tight spot he couldn’t wriggle out of and I finally caught up with him. Amidst spasms of deep breaths, I managed to say “Oga, I don dey call you since”, tapping him on the shoulder.

He looked back in surprise. Removing his earpiece, he answered in very polished English I was amazed… “Good Morning Sir, I’m so sorry I wasn’t hearing you”.

I was dumbfounded; I just kept staring at him. This young Aboki with such polished English riding an okada in this part of Lagos was too much for me to bear. I completely forgot about my troubles and focused on why the young lad wasn’t doing much more with his life. It’s a hard life here in this country, so many promising youths doing menial jobs, when they could have been the next Mark Zuckerberg.

“So, where are you going sir?”, the boy asked. His Queens English on fleek with such poise and effortless array.

I finally found myself again thinking about my preposterous situation, “I’m going to Oba Akran at Ikeja”, I replied. Still looking surprised.

“The fare is N500, sir!”

At this point, I wasn’t bothered about the price, because even if he said it was N2,000, I wouldn’t have hesitated. I hopped on and the journey began. On the way, I was captivated by our discussions that I didn’t know when we got to Oba Akran.

He told me so much about his life. He was a graduate of Biochemistry from Ahmadu Bello University. After his National Youth Service, he decided to move to Lagos in search of greener pastures. His parents died in a very bad accident on their way to Lagos to see him and life has been hard ever since. After a futile job search that lasted six years, he had to take to riding okada to make ends meet and cater for his siblings who were about four in number.

He had even passed my office, before I realized and beckoned on him to stop. I alighted, gave him N1,000 and told him to keep the change. He deserved it and so much more. I crossed to the other side of the road and started walking briskly towards the office. I was too scared to look at my watch. I got to the gate and the security guys were not there, I decided to just slip in unnoticed.

As I got to the entrance, I saw Akpan, one of the security guys coming round the corner.

“Ha, Oga Shola, you just dey come?”

“No, I don come since, I just go buy something”. I lied.

“Ok. Sir”

I opened the door gently and entered the office. Everyone was just staring at me as I walked towards my seat, I greeted them but nobody said a word. No one except Bukola. She has always been the outspoken one.

“Shola, you are so lucky that the CEO has gone out for a meeting, but she left a letter on your table.”

I walked faster and as I got to my seat by the right corner of the office, I saw a white Freelance Incorporated envelope on my table. It was addressed to me. My heart popped into my mouth. I picked it up, it was sealed. I was honestly getting scared, the inevitable was about to happen!

Was it a suspension?

Was I going to be fired?

I didn’t even have to look up to know that all twenty-six pairs of eyes at the office was fixed on me at the moment. I opened the envelope slowly, pulled out the letter and it read…

Dear Shola,

This is to officially inform you that….



To be continued…


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