Chronicles of an Insane Intern (Episode 7)


I know this is way overdue and I can’t apologize enough. Please forgive me. Sometimes, life just gets in the way. But anyways, we are back! And just in case you missed the previous episodes, read them here.



Didn’t you hear me? I said did you collect the boarding passes from Mr. Sam at the office, Mrs. Oluchi retorted with a slight anger in her voice.

I didn’t know I was supposed to…

You didn’t know you were supposed to what? She cuts in.

Is it your teeth that we will use to board the flight? Are you insane… her voice was getting louder. Amy, the Suits series fan I just met, quietly slips away from behind me. Obviously, she didn’t want to be part of the drama.

You are just staring at me… you have nothing to say?

Her voice was nearing a thousand decibels by now. And I could feel the power of a million stares from everyone at the airport piercing through my skin.

I was dazed and overwhelmed. I ‘m sure there is something we can do. I’ll call Mr. Sam and get him to mail me the soft copy of the boarding passes…

I don’t even know where that intuition came from because my brain wasn’t processing information correctly at this point. But thank God I was able to blurt that out, because that seemed to calm her a bit and Mr. Bashir finally spoke.

He’ll handle it, just relax.

I let out a big sigh. As Mr. Bashir took her hands and led her away towards the boarding area. I quickly called Mr. Sam…

Hello Sir. It’s me, Shola. 

Oh, Shola. How are you doing? How was the trip?

We are still at the airport sir, our flight was delayed.

These Nigerian airlines and their incessant troubles; May God help us. What did they say was the problem?

I can’t even remember what they said. But they said the delay will be for an hour, but now they are boarding and we just realized that we didn’t collect the boarding passes from you.

What are you talking about? I told Bukky to give you in the morning before you left the office.

Uhhmmm! You gave Bukky Adeyemi sir?

Yes. Bukky Adeyemi. Or is there another Bukky in the office?

Wow! This is really interesting. She didn’t say a word to me. She didn’t give me sir.

Are you serious?

Yes sir.

What kind of rubbish is this? How did that happen? Let me call her now.

I’m sorry sir, but we can deal with the Bukky issue later. Please can you kindly help me send via mail, a copy of the boarding passes.

Ok. No problem. I’ll send it now. That Bukky girl is in big trouble. All she knows how to do is shakara up and down.

Thank you sir. And I dropped the call.

Right now, I was not bothered about Bukky, I was bothered about boarding. In another 10 seconds, the mail had come in. Thank God! I quickly rushed to the counter to sort out our almost disastrous saga. That Bukky girl is a bloody goat sha. I’m sure she did this on purpose because she wasn’t made PA. Chai! Trials of the job! Dem bad belle people! God pass dem! Who God has blessed, no man can curse!

We were cleared and allowed to go through. Mr. Bashir and Mrs Oluchi walked on ahead, she looked back and I thought she was going to say something, but she didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to, but the wicked glance she gave me told me all I needed to hear. I was still relieved, thanking God I was able to think on my feet and salvage the situation. I looked to the side and noticed Amy was still waiting there. Apparently, she wanted to see how the drama would end or was she waiting for me? I waved my hand to signal her to come over and she did.

I thought you were going to miss the flight. She said.

Hmmmmm! If that happened, I should as well consider myself back in the job market because that would have been the end of my short illustrious career at Freelance Incorporated. But God came through.

Anyways, I’m glad you were able to resolve it.

Yeah. Thanks.

Your boss doesn’t seem like a very patient person.

My dear, you have no idea. Her patience is shorter than a stick of cigarette.

We both laughed and walked towards the boarding area and as we entered the plane; we started walking down the aisle trying to find empty seats. Of course, Morris Chestnut and my CEO were already seat partners towards the middle section. We walked further down and couldn’t find two empty seats on the same row, so sadly we had to split and seat on different sides. As she walked towards her seat, I used the same overflogged boy’s ruse for number collection.

“Are you on WhatsApp?”

Yes. She replied.

I gave her my phone to type her number, which she did. Oshey! I have her number now. We can always take it from there.  As I tried to take my seat, I remembered that the CEO had told me to read through the bulk of files on the plane. So I sat down, brought them out and started reading…

By the time I read about five pages, it was already get boring. So I decided to relax a bit and take in the splendid fact that I’m the new PA to the new CEO and I have a new girl on my radar. Bukky tried to ruin me, but she failed! Everything seemed to be going quite well for me at the moment. I looked across the aisle and I could see Mrs. Oluchi and Morris Chestnut still engrossed in their discussion; I wonder what they were still talking about. Well, it’s none of my business.

From the corner of my eyes, I stole a glance at Amy to see what’s going on with her, only to discover that her seat partner who was a fair and lanky Alexx Ekubo kind of guy, had already immersed her in a conversation. Whaaaat? This can’t be happening. I’ve not even covered all my bases and this guy comes out of the blues. Na wa O! Which kain gbege be dis? I saw her face for a moment and she seemed a bit distracted, half-focused on what the guy was saying. That’s a good thing right? Or probably she’s even thinking about me and wishing I was her seat partner instead of this yellow homo-sapien.

I strained my ears and tried to shut everything else out to see if I could use my innate Professor Xavier gifts to listen in on their conversation. The first thing I heard was… “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man would lay down his life for his…”

Waaaaaiiiit! Lay down his life ke? Why is he professing a love unto death? All this boys sha! Is he Jesus? What is he even saying? Does he think using anachronistic english in 2017 is sexy or what? Or is he truly saying he can die for her? Someone he barely just met 5 minutes ago? Who does that? Anyway you look at it, this wasn’t good at all. See competition O! It’s ok sha. I trust myself, I just have to up my game. She looked back at me and I quickly looked away, I can’t be caught staring.

I listened again and heard… “He has given us power to tread on snakes and scorpions…” This was clearly getting out of hands. Snakes and scorpions bawo?? This guy has obviously watched too many movies; he thinks there are “Snakes on the plane” or what? I may just have to alert the hostesses, we may have an escapee from the insane asylum on board. This guy belongs in prison and chains or in a “penitentiary” like they call it in the abroad. I like the diplomatic way the westerners use big English to try to conceal the obviously averse scenarios. You can just say, I’m going to the “Penitentiary” as if it’s a cool place to relax and have fun.

Then I heard the guy say… “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son…” Oh I get it now. This was a sermon on the plane. Hmmmmm! I hope he is not just using that as a ploy to “enter the place”. You can’t trust all this boys nowadays.

I heaved a sigh of relief, but I still had mixed feelings about this guy, make e no spoil my parole O! Of all the people in the plane, he didn’t see anybody else to preach to? Is this even allowed? What happened to the right of privacy on a plane? Why did he even have to seat there? I should be the one on that seat.

A million and one questions and scenarios were just flipping through my mind; then we heard a loud bang as if something exploded and Whooooooooooooooom! Suddenly, we felt the plane drop a few thousand feet and I felt like vomiting. My head and heart were thumping in rapid beats that Jimmy Jatt and Timberland can’t even invoke. The plane started shaking vigorously and everyone became hysterical. This was more than ordinary turbulence. Are we going to crash? My mind quickly sailed to where I did not want it to go; the Sosoliso and Dana Air plane crashes! Is this the end? Screams of “Jesus”, “Holyghost” and “Blood of Jesus” filled the air. The panic became real as the air masks dropped and we hear the pilot scream over the radio…

“MayDay! MayDay! MayDay….”


To be continued…





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