Ok. This is a question I have been asked several times over, so I’m gonna try to answer it here. I am no relationship expert and I obviously don’t have all the answers. I also don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all approach to this, but let’s see how it goes. Different people have different reasons for severing their relationship ties and while some still want to hold on the chords, some want to completely forget about it depending on the break–up scenario. This one is for those who really want the ex, dead and gone, but are finding it hard to do so. Ok. Let me mention at this point that I didn’t do this alone, I got input from friends both online and offline, so with no further ado, let’s delve into the subject in no particular order…
1. Distance yourself from them. One of the most effective ways to help you get over your ex is by distancing yourself from them. Minimize any contact or the potential for contact so that you can get over them without having any lingering ties that could upset you or reinforce your feelings for them. Distancing yourself will be hard at first, but it’s ultimately for the better and will make the process of getting over them easier and faster.
2. Remove their contact information and text messages from your phone. One way to assure that you won’t have any contact with your ex is to delete his/her contact information from your phone. Deleting this information will not only keep you from contacting them in a moment of weakness, but won’t be an ever-present reminder of them, either. Remember that even if you delete your contact, they may not delete you. If they contact you, you can either not respond or choose to send a brief, polite response.
3. Remove them from social media accounts, such as Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram. By removing your ex’s presence from your social media accounts, you can further limit the amount of contact you have with them.
4. Stop talking about them and don’t allow yourself to think about them. It’s natural when you have feelings for someone to talk about them and to think about them a lot, but this will only reinforce your feelings. Consciously not mentioning them in conversations and actively shifting your thoughts when you do think about them will help you get over them more quickly. It may be difficult to not mention them in conversations, especially if you have mutual friends, so try to not talk about them or ask how they are too often. You can also step away from conversations about them.
5. Ask your friends not to bring them up. This will only remind you of them and may hinder your ability to get over them, so ask your friends to not bring them up or update you if possible.
6. Avoid places they and their friends go. You and your ex may have many things in common, including friends, classes or workplaces, or favorite places. Avoid situations where you run the risk of seeing them. If you take classes together or work in the same place, don’t sit near them. If they sit next to you, you can also find a way to relocate or decide to keep it cordial. If you like the same restaurants, for example, try out new places to eat.
7. Allow yourself to grieve and don’t get mad. Getting over your ex is a painful process and it’s completely acceptable to grieve over the relationship you had. But it’s also important to not get mad at your ex in the process – just as you can’t control your feelings for them, they can’t control their feelings for you.
8. Know you’ll find someone else. There are several awesome people out there and your ex may not be the right person for you in the end. You will find someone else who is great for you, and the quicker you get over your ex, the more open your heart will be to finding this person. Focusing on your ex’s flaws can help you get over them and possibly even find someone better suited for you.
9. Lean on your support system. You’re likely not feeling your best as you try to get over this significant person in your life, so this is a good time to lean on- or even reconnect with- your family and friends. From talking about your feelings to distracting you with fun activities, your support system can help you to get over your ex more quickly.
10. Focus on yourself and your other interests. Concentrate on yourself while you try to get over your ex. For example, start exercising or try a new fitness activity like yoga, which will also help you focus your mind on something other than your ex. You might also want to take a class that will help you with your job. Whatever you do, always make sure that it makes you feel good about yourself. Try new activities. This is also a good time to try out new activities, which will distract you from your feelings.
11. Be patient with yourself. Sometimes it takes us a while to get over someone. Don’t get angry with yourself if that happens. Just give yourself the needed time.
12. Love yourself! Ultimately, moving on from a relationship that wasn’t working is about loving yourself. For some, this is the hardest part. Believing that you deserve to be in a loving relationship with someone who shares your values and treats you well requires that you view yourself in a positive light. If just the thought of this seems daunting because your inner dialogue is filled with negative self-doubt, criticism, or self-loathing, you may need to enlist the help of a professional or you may need to read some books, I can recommend a few. You can’t expect someone else to treat you better than you treat yourself.
13. Self-forgiveness is an important part of self-love. In hindsight, you may feel that there are things you could have done differently, but it is impossible to know what different outcomes could have been. Blaming yourself in a self-reproaching way is a futile waste of energy that only brings about negative emotions and delays the healing process. Instead, choose to turn the pain into a gain. Every relationship, if we let it, can teach us something about ourselves and give us greater clarity about what we need in order to be happy. Acknowledging your role in what went wrong with a relationship can be an important part of the learning process. When two people are in a relationship they create a dynamic and whatever happened, both contributed to it in some way. When you have the insight to understand your role, you will be in the position to do something different. If you believe that it might be helpful to make certain changes in your own behavior, such as learning to set better boundaries or improve your communication skills, then embrace your chance to do this so that your next relationship can be even more amazing.
This list is by no means exhaustive; thus I would like to hear from you. Kindly drop a word or two in the comment section. Thank you.
Image Credits: GlobalNews